Browse Professor Quotes

Love is dangerous! Love hurts! Love prevents you from doing your homework!
—Dr. Gauri Rai, SOWK 287: Intro to Social Work
If you've found a large amount of valium, please share it. I would like some too.
—Dr.Dejonge GHUM 200: German Literature
I don't drink water, all of those fish pee in there constantly, I stick to beer and wine.
—Prof. Dr. Dendinger, Zoology
You don't have to buy your clothes at Pineapple Republic to look nice.
—Dr. Yoon, SCOM, commenting on the appropriate dress for a speech
If you are stupid, you will get an F in this course.
- Dr. Ralph Cohen
—Course intro.
If we do indeed have souls at all, then they probably have credit limits on them.
—Dr. Ben Hutchens, Philosophy
Boyfriends are like buses - if you miss one you can catch the next one.
—Dr. Neel, GPHIL 101
My dog doesn't have dandruff anymore!
-GWRIT professor, Helen Storey
—talking about one of the highlights of her week
I don't understand The Big Bang so I'm not going to go into it. Don't even try to explain it to me because I will never be able to wrap my brain around the concept. I can't explain voidness.
—Prof. Marshall, History
Don't e-mail me.
Don't leave me voice mail.
Don't write me a letter.
But if you have to mail me something, send a Victoria's Secret catalog. That's the only thing I read.
—John Adams, COB 191
The Powerpoint presentation on the first day of class. Title: What we will learn in this class Bullet one: Bitchin' Biology
—Professor Kastendiek, GSCI 103
We'll be skipping Chapter 27 because it sucks.
—Dr. Hiatt, Music Theory
Ahh JMU. We don't have books in our library, but we have UREC.
—Professor Ehrenpreis, GARTH206
You don't breed your daughter for crying out loud.
—Professor Congdon, Hist 102, when talking about the differences between human beings and animals.
You will not talk during your quiz. Even if a carnivorator flies in the window and eats your neighbor. Even if your horrible case of hemmroids starts acting up.
—-Sam Cross, ear training aural theory teacher, a delightful man!
This building is a work of art.
—Dr. David Wendelken, SMAD 201: referring to the modular building.
Where's the BEEF???
—Professor Ehrenpreis Art History 206
I got this icky feeling coming from the TV. Don't you ever get an icky feeling coming from the TV?
—Dr. Marshall, GHUM 200
I'm allergic to kids...they are little germs.
—Professor Kristen Adams, College of Business
The only raw material Japan has is sushi!
—Dr. Lewis, ISAT 211
Let your conscience be your guide...and if you don't have a conscience...well then you don't have a guide.
—John Adams, COB 191
I have an excellant cardiovascular system probably better than any three of yours combined.
—Professor Peden explains his stellar health to his students
The electronic environment flattens everything- making a talented college sophomore's home page, say equivalent to CNN's.
—This comes from my mass comm book
The only way to eliminate stress is to die
—Dr Sutton explains the art of stress management to her Health 100 class.
student: how many points will you be taking off for spelling mistakes?
professor (in a heavy russian accent): i'll kill you
—film class (not here though, at villanova)
During the day I'm good with the money, at night I'm good with the honeys.
—Anonymous finance professor here at JMU
Who is Andy?
—An accounting professor describing the importance of clarity in what you say
the other day my son thought it was great when he was jumping up and down on my bed exclaiming look how big my penis is!
—Professor Becky Mckenzie GPSYCH 160 stated while discussing the changes kids go through during puberty
How do they say F**k you in L.A.? Trust me
—An English 248 professor telling us that people don't always mean what they say.
My wife's view is that they should take all these things and throw them in the ocean.
—Dr. Butler in GPSYC 101 when his computer moniter suddenly blanked during a video
Would you go out and kill that person?
—said to a student about a loud professor in the adjacent room; Dr. Robert Farrar, GENG 236
I knew a woman once who was never able to forgive herself for having sex once before she was married. If only she knew how much sex went on here at James Madison University.
—Dr O'Meara, Catholicism in the Modern World, talking about forgiveness
You are my advisor, advise me. Well, I hear business is a good field.
—SMAD Professor Dr. Wendelken jokingly advises a student towards a business major due to the lack of good news in the media industry.
Simmer down, now ... Don't go there, girlfriend!
—Steve Anderson, SMAD 341: Web Communication
If the student who borrowed my book doesn't return it then I will get my Columbian friends to pay him a visit.
—CS 474 Professor Mata Toledo encouraging a student to return his borrowed book.
I am a bitter man. I am a spiteful man. Iam a tired man. I'm overworked underpaid, poor, wretched, despairing...and pissed!
—Kevin Harter: GHUM 200H
So let me see if I have this correctly... tell me if I am on the mark. I think you guys are like mice. You have been mice stuck in a trap for all this time, eating away at all of the cheese that is there, and you are tired. You don't want anymore cheese, you just want OUT!
—Dr. Faye Teer, Business StatisticsCOB 191
Kick a pig in the butt you get more than huh?
—Russ Smith Econ 201
Everyone Say Penis
—Dr. Keffer
the californian version of anything is perverted
—dr. thompson
I'm fat, but I'm happy!
—Russ Smith, Econ 201
I always wanted to be a pimp but I found out my parents wouldn't support me.
—Dr. Mata - Toledo explains in his thick spanish accent what his early dreams were.
Save your Sam Adam's bottles, fill them up with Beast, and walk around with your Sam Adams like you're the shit.
—Econ 201 - Russ Smith
The line is your bitch.
—Professor Shinra, to his ART 160 (Drawing 1) class
Welcome to Hell, I'll be your tour guide for the semester.
—Anonymous professor welcomes his students on the first day.
69 is a great position!
—GCOM professor after someone asked to go over question 69
If I was the Man you wanted, I wouldn't be the Man I am today.
—Dr. Smilowitz, SCOM 260
I am supposed to be some sort of literary reference, but I don't know what to say. Give me enough beers, however, and I'll say anything. in reference to a friend of hers making a documentary.
—My Survery of World Lit I teacher, Sharon Higby
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you cant pick your friend's nose.
—Professor James Butler relaying some valuable life information.
I advise you guys in this class to get here early and fnd a seat. Watch the girls come in and when you see one you like, act cool and go sit next to her. Take her hand into yours, look her in the eye and say: I can give you children.
—Dr. James Butler, GPSY 101
This is not a normal class, it is abmornal. Hist 395 is boot camp for history majors.

Dr. Arndt
—In response to a question about the overabundance of work required for the class.
Just stay sober enough to do your work.
—A professor gives her students a tip on completing the weekend's assignment.
I was such a loser on friday nights, the VCR was my date, then I got a girlfriend
—Professor Brent Bowles, GWRIT 101
Another type of light we'll be focusing on is microwaves... yes, the same kind of microwaves you would use to nuke wet puppies!
—Professor Mark Mattson GSCI 101
I mean; I give my sheep shots whenever I have to - they just stand there, they don't even know what's going on!
—Professor Peden talks about life on his farm.
Sometimes when students won't respond, I just have dialogues with myself. I used to do this as a child as well when I talked to my imaginary friends, but then they gave me some medication and that stopped.
—Mr. D'Amato - Theo 270, Intro to the Study of Religion, when no one would respond to his questions. I grabbed this from a professor at another college because it's really funny.
For all I know I could be drinking heroin
—Dr. Elizabeth Garbrah-Aidoo, POSC 225
Does it matter if there are a whole bunch of little people hopped up on speed in a little box with calculators performing millions of math operations? No, not really, as long as we get the correct results.
—Dr. Arch Harris explains the levels of abstaction to his CS 139 class.
It's your birthday, what are you doing here? Go get drunk or something!
—Professor Bowles, GWRIT 101
Basically, Visual Basic is a basic course and stuff like that.

—Amit Tandel, Visual Basic Professor in the COB
Labels, that's how we see the world.
—Professor Tracy Pipkins explains Life to her English 102 class
Can anyone tell me what a monopoly is?
Student Answer: A board game?
Nice try, see you next semester.
—SMAD Professor explains media monopolies to his game playing students
I am the task-master! (*cracks bullwhip*)
—Dr. Peterson, physics 140 professor on the first day of class
This lab is not real. None of this is real. i've had these ideas long before the Matrix ever came out.
—Arch Harris explains reality or maybe not reality to his CS students during lab.
It's all about B U S I N E S S!
John Ackley
Professor of Business
—Dr. Ackley explains life in it's entirety to his Management 101 class.